He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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