I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
