fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
