everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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