It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My pussy is not your playground.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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