Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
