She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
