Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
