Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
