Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
