she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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