We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
