Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't put those talents on a resume
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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