i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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