she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
