Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
