Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
