During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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