When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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