Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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