It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
