Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
