ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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