The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
