We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
