I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
