They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
