Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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