fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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