the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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