And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
