She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
