This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
