Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize