HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
