...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
