Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
