Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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