Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
