I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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