you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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