I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
