once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
