the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Drake has all the answers
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
