if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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