I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
