Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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