Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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