He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
