If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
