I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
