Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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