he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
