having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
