I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
