Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
