Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
