If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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