Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
