New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
