I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
