Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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