he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
