i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
