Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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