my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
