She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
