Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
