your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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