Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
