i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
