so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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