i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
