How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
