I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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