I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
