After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
