Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
