Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
