You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
