I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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