last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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