um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
