Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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