I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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