You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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