She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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