I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
