So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
