i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
