I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
