Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
